My Portfolio Manager, Mr. Crooks!

I'm looking at page 4 of a mutual fund prospectus...one of the portfolio manager's is Mr. Christopher Crooks!

This fund is a winner!!! Mr. Crooks is hopefully workin for me!

ER meets tennis and Jesse

Oh fruck! ER is getting a little desperate and extreme. I just watched the preview for next week...it involves random "famous" people and a plane crash. COME ON! John Stamos??? Uncle Jesse?? and SERENA Williams??? Serena Williams to me isn't a surprise...she was great on the Simpsons.

I didn't really like tonight's episode. I waited for Ray Liotta's wife's head to roll out of his suitcase. In any case, this was all a set up. Dr. Pratt's gonna talk more to his dad...we will see more Danny Glover.

World Series...A (technical) Houstonian living in Chicago

The fireworks popping outside means the Chicago White Sox have won the World Series. No they swept the World Series. Even Northsiders, who are usually Cubs fans, are celebrating. I don't really follow sports...Unless it's a University of Texas football game...But it's great living in a city of a new winner.

In defense of Houston, the Rockets did sweep a series in the mid-90's...I remember being stuck in traffic off FM 1960 with friends and watching "Cassius" run around the car holding a broom.

Regardless of the winner of the World Series, I win. If I'm not from a city of the winning team (H Town), then I'm living in a city of the winning team (Chicago).

Memo

McKinsey & Co, I think you'll need better PR from this point on.

The memo, prepared with the help of McKinsey & Company, said the board was to consider the recommendations in November. But the memo said that three top Wal-Mart officials - its chief financial officer, its top human relations executive and its executive vice president for legal and corporate affairs - had "received the recommendations enthusiastically."

My I suggest talking to people from Altria.

Now back to Walmart talk...This is what you find when you Google "Walmart Sucks"

It's the screeching bald eagle that does it for me.

"The Colbert Report" is a worthy spinoff, an icy-cold beer chaser to the shot of whiskey that is "The Daily Show."

Life Sans Dominick's

When you find yourself shopping for milk, eggs, and snacks at CVS, you know that things are tough. Over the summer, the neighborhood lost a grocery store that sucked in so many ways, yet locals were drawn to the half-assed produce and endured long lines to check-out with strange employees. Fire got it. We've had to shop for groceries at World Market, a yuppie's indoor-third-world-country market. Tonight, I opened a bag of EXPIRED $3 tortilla chips purchase from there. Pissed I was.

More than a woman

Background- I don't think I blogged about this story, so here's the background story:

Over the summer, I got involved in someone's conversation on the bus. A woman with a backpack purse sitting in the back of the bus moved to the empty seat between me and a young woman caring for a rowdy 3 or 4yr old. Backpack-Purse-Woman proceeded to ask the Teen-Mom if she's ever heard of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). They exchanged words. Teen-Mom was just as shocked as the rest of the bus with Backpack-Purse-Woman aggressive talk.
When Backpack-Purse-Woman wrote on a sheet of paper "ADD" and "Ritalin," and handed it to Teen-Mom, I had to intervene. Poor kid (and her child too). I asked Backpack-Purse-Woman if she were a doctor. When she said no, just as I expected, I told her that she shouldn't go around diagnosing people and that it's really rude. And when she played her "profession card" - "I'm a teacher," I had to put down my "I'm a nurse" card. She shut up and got off at the next stop.

I've seen her around quite a bit since: my fav and local coffee shop, ice cream place around the corner, and neighborhood internet cafe.

Finally, the meat...The story:
My fave and local coffee shop has a bulletin board by the rest room. Clearly displayed on the board is a poster with pictures of Backpack-Purse-Woman, advertising Backpack-Purse-Woman's latest record review on NPR, review by critics, and upcoming performance.

I was shocked. She sings. And she sings well so it seems.

BUT IS SHE REALLY A TEACHER???

Peak Performance

To my chagrin, I opened an email (in the Spam folder) with subject "Peak Performance." I thought, AHHH! I WAS THINKING ABOUT DOING THIS???!!! CARA (Chicago Area Runners Association) read my mind...This must be an email regarding their own running clinics also called Peak Performance Program with Coach Bill.

Not the case...the spam mail had to do with male enhancement. I'm a fool.

My Big Fat 80's Bar Mitzvah

Shopgirl

Definitely a good read: http://www.amazon.com...
There was one part in particular I highlighted with a neon yellow highlighter.


Hopefully a good watch: THe NYT's Review suggests so.

Weekend Trip

Um, if you want to get away or plan your destination wedding, consider this place:

Jethro's Beverly Hillbillies Mansion & Casino
Carson City, Nevada

Max Baer purchased the vacant 120,000 square foot Wal-Mart building at the South end of Carson City along U.S. 395 at the Southgate shopping complex, two miles south of the state capitol buildings. The Wal-Mart building will be converted to Jethro's Beverly Hillbillies Mansion & Casino along with the addition of a 240-Room themed Beverly Hillbilly Hotel and a 9-screen stadium seating theater complex.

Damn you Ray!

I hate Rachael Ray. Yet, 17 out of the last 25 keyword searches that pull up my blog are related to her...and how much she is disliked! heheh :)


Here are a few:

rachael ray sucks blog (Yahoo)
rachel ray livejournal drinking game (Yahoo)
rachel ray sux (MSN)
Rachael Ray Hate Club (MSN)
www.livejournal.com/community/rachael-ray-sux (Yahoo)
rachael ray sucks community (Yahoo)

Some Guys Prefer Chicken Vindaloo and some...

Stolen Breasts

you can trust me

Look what I found in my INBOX! How can I say no to the daughter of a cocoa merchant/"busnness" magnet?

FROM:GLORIA YACOUBA.
ABIDJAN-IVORY COAST.
WEST AFRICA.
Dearest One,
Good a thing to write you. I have a proposal for you-this however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will. I am Gloria ,22years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Yacouba. My father was a highly reputable busnness magnet-(a cocoa merchant)who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.
It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad year 12th.Febuary 2000.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time.But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 4 years old,and since
then my father took me so special. Before his death on Febuary 12 2000 on our to the hospital and he disclosed to me secretly that he has the sum of two five million,seven hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$25.700,000) left in fixed deposit account in one of the leading banks in Abidjan Cote d ivoire Africa .
I am just 22 years old and really don't know what to do.Now I want an account overseas where I can transfer this funds. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast.The death of my father actually has brought sorrow to my life.
I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards.Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.
Now permit me to ask these few questions:-
1. Can you honestly help me as your daughter?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question
will be good for you after the money is in your account?
Please,Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.
Thank you so much.
My sincere regards,
Gloria Yacouba.

Parenting

My walk to work takes me past a private elementary school. The 7:50AM bell rang so I watched a mother, irritated like a pinky toe in new shoes, hurry her child up by telling him that she didn't like him anymore because he was slow.

I won't be surprised to see her and her son eating a big ass fancy ice cream cone. (see previous entry: say-i-love-you-with-sprinkles.html)

Fraud of a movie

The Weatherman...getting hit with a milk shake down the street from Union Station (Chicago) and walking to the store for tartar sauce by the Flatiron building (NYC), according to a street sign...what a joke. Pick a city and stick with it. Don't say you're set in New York but use Chicago as a backdrop. A nurse I work with saw Nick Cage by Northwestern Hospital in Streeterville filming a snow scene...the non-Cocaine type...

What exactly are we reporting?

Why is this news?

How Posh...a DecaDANCE

Prom on Long Island


I remember when the days of metal detectors, dresses from Judy's or Contempo Casuals, and the stretch "limo" aka friend's sister's Toyota Cressida...gasp, school dances, those were the days.

Tried playing sudoku...

and I like it.

Don't buy any books. There are tons of websites that have puzzles online.

However, don't try this if you're a student. Perfect getaway.

Check out this site. It's pretty good. You can play easy, medium, hard and EVIL sudoku's... http://www.websudoku.com

For rules and explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodoku

Brunch

The theme ingredient for this weekend...

BRUNCH

Yesterday, we ate at HOT CHOCOLATE in Bucktown. Freakin good brunch menu. As for the decor, all I can say is simplistic cuteness. Coffee is $4...But it comes in a French press.


Today, we ate at Orange, a cafe with "a peel." They played the entire Weezer Blue album. Since this place is closer to home, Orange is now my official place for brunch. Amazing. Worth the 45 minute wait. The menu is a magazine. The omelets are amalgam of goodness and came with a side of peppery potatoes. And their pancakes are very tasty and creative. Although I got the cinnamon roll pancakes, which are as big as the Kerbey Lane pancakes in Austin, which are yummy, I wished I ordered their pancake flight...16 mini pancakes, 4 different flavors. During the wait, they should provide people with bibs to catch drool. Oh, and they have fresh juice. Next time, we're getting their FRUSHI...fruit arranged like sushi.

Stop, Drop and Roll

Unicef's new campaign to get attention.
Where's Gargamel and Azreal?










Here's Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights (1504). The right panel is his depiction of hell.

Is she the answer to our enlistment quota

Lady, please stop procreating. If you want to have more kids AND have the means to care for them, please adopt.

Slip her some Ortho-Try-Cycline or the birth control patch.

This is why making faithful reader PAY to read your column sucks for you

Although I miss reading Neeck Kristoffffah's column in NYT.com, I'm just not willing to pay for it.

Check out how the NYT.com columnists are slowly losing references to peoples blogs.

Tiny Island People

No, I'm not referring to Flips.

This is a link to Slate.com's Explainer about the tiny person skeleton found in Indonesia. Scientists are considering the tiny person is really just a normal person but born with microcephely, or an unusually small skull.

Kids born with FAS - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome often have small heads.

When ever I see an adult with a small head, my first thought is, "your mother drank while pregnant!!!"

peace out.

New Shoes

My feet have a new friend.
Got new running shoes.
Broke them in running with my friend Katie.
5miles in 53 minutes.
In the dark.
By the lake.
Phew.

Say "I love you" with sprinkles

When I see parents buy their child (age 3 - 8) an extravagant ice cream treat, I have to wonder why. At the ice cream place by home, Establishment X, I usually see a child with a hand-dipped waffle cone (sprinkles, chocolate, chocolate with oreo crumbs etc with sprinkles) with ice cream dripping down the side and half a melted scoop on the kids face. This "snack" comes out to about $4 + tax.


When parents spend $4 for an ice cream cone for their child, what are they really buying?

• homemade ice cream (1 regular scoop) and hand-rolled and dipped waffle cone?
• a piece of the American dream?
• or is it guilt for not hugging he or she enough?
• for dieting during pregnancy to look stylish?
  
• a way to soften the blow? "Jimmy, I'm sorry your father is never coming back."
  

Soo...This is how I've interpreted orders at the pricey homemade ice cream places...

Dipped waffle cone with 1 scoop = "I Love You/I'm Sorry"
Waffle Cone with 1 Scoop = "Happy Birthday" or "I'm sorry the bully kicked your ass"

Cake or Sugar Cone with regular sized scoop = "You're special" and "I'm sorry for killing the gold fish"

Cake or Sugar Cone with kids sized scoop = Stable & Healthy Parenting!

Go NADS!

The best things I way on shirts:

"Jenn, Marry ME?!"

"I lost 250lbs."

"Go Daddy"

AND MY FAVORITE..."My boyfriend dumped me on Thursday."



"Jennifer Willbanks, the runnaway bride"

MORE COW BELL!

the beginning of cow bell madness. If your name is on your singlet, i yelled it. If you had Texas shorts, I went extra crazy with the cow bell. 

Kenya Dig IT????

Call them the professionals. This is the beginning of the pack!















Saw a white man with "Today, I'm a Kenyan" on his singlet.

mystery smell

in our building's basement, there is a stench. even one of my neighbors asked me about it. tollwaywarrior and i passed the storage unit that is the epicenter of stink. it didn't remind him of a dead body. nope. reminded him of an asian supermarket i took him to in Houston.

Questions from a curious little patient

My little patient this week had some serious questions for me.
1. Are you a teenager?
2. Are you Chinese?

Here's the jest of our exchange (smirk, the kid is on dialysis, so he's had "exchanges" with the dialysis fluid too)...I asked him how old he thought I was...16 he said. I said older...eventually he got to my age and thought i was full of shit.

When I told him I wasn't from China he did not believe me but went on about karate and kungfu that he's seen on TV. He was a lot more behaved when I told him I broke boards with my palm when I took martial arts as a teenager.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Chicago

I'm wasted.
Just got home from going out.
Tollwaywarrior and his friends passed the IL bar.
I'm wasted.
Realized that I don't have a fav bar in Chicago.
I miss Club Deville in Austin.